Part 1: Who Is Your Spiritual Father?
Relationship or Religious Title?
A phrase is being heard more often in some parts of the Church:
“Who is your spiritual father?”
Sometimes, the question is just meant kindly. Someone might want to know who helped you grow, invested in you, or acted like a father figure in your faith.
There is nothing inherently wrong with that.
Paul also used father-and-son language for some of his closest ministry relationships. He called Timothy his “true son in the faith” (1 Timothy 1:2) and saw himself as a father to the Corinthians because he shared the gospel with them.
But in other settings, “spiritual father” means considerably more.
It becomes a title.
A position.
A hierarchy.
People are sometimes told they are “under” a spiritual father. Ministry approval is said to come through this person. Decisions might need their permission. Leaving can be called rebellion, and questioning the leader may be seen as dishonor. Some ministers are even told they cannot fully follow their calling unless a spiritual father supports them.
That’s where we need to stop and ask a very simple question:
Is that actually what the Bible teaches?
Not whether it is popular.
Not whether respected preachers practice it.
Not whether a particular ministry network requires it.
The question for followers of Jesus must always be:
What does Scripture actually say?
JESUS SAID SOMETHING WE CANNOT IGNORE
One of the strongest passages concerning religious titles comes directly from Jesus.
In Matthew 23, Jesus speaks directly to the scribes and Pharisees. He is not just talking about words. He is challenging a religious culture focused on recognition, status, authority, and titles.
Jesus says:
Matthew 23:8–10 (CSB)
“But you are not to be called ‘Rabbi,’ because you have one Teacher, and you are all brothers and sisters. Do not call anyone on earth your father, because you have one Father, who is in heaven. You are not to be called instructors either, because you have one Instructor, the Messiah.”
Jesus obviously wasn’t prohibiting us from calling our biological father “Dad” or “father.”
Paul himself later uses father terminology.
Jesus is confronting something deeper.
He is challenging religious systems that put some people above others in spiritual importance.
Notice the phrase that sits right in the middle of His teaching:
“You are all brothers and sisters.”
That is incredibly important.
Jesus teaches that God is our Father, Christ is our Instructor, and all His followers are part of the same spiritual family.
The family has different responsibilities.
There are pastors.
There are teachers.
There are elders.
There are apostles.
There are prophets.
There are evangelists.
Mature believers disciple younger believers.
But beneath all these roles is a basic truth:
We are brothers and sisters under one Father.
BUT DIDN’T PAUL CALL HIMSELF A FATHER?
Yes.
And we shouldn’t ignore that either.
Paul writes:
1 Corinthians 4:15 (CSB)
“For you may have countless instructors in Christ, but you don’t have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.”
At first glance, someone might read this and say:
“There it is! Paul taught spiritual fatherhood.”
Yes—but notice what Paul actually sYes, but look at what Paul actually says.esus through the gospel.”
Paul isn’t describing an ecclesiastical office he occupies.
He is describing a relationship that exists because he brought them the gospel.
He planted.
He nurtured.
He corrected.
He loved.
He sacrificed.
He watched them grow.
That’s fatherly language.
The distinction matters tremendously.
Paul talks about being like a father in relationship, not about creating a special position called Spiritual Father.
No ceremony appoints someone as another person’s spiritual father.
No qualification list exists for the office of spiritual father.
No command requires every Christian to identify a spiritual father.
No teaching says ministry authority must flow through one’s spiritual father.
There is no warning that leaving your spiritual father removes God’s protection from your life.
People add those ideas to the text, but they are not found there naturally.
LOOK AT PAUL AND TIMOTHY
Perhaps the strongest example of spiritual fatherhood in the New Testament is Paul’s relationship with Timothy.
Paul writes:
1 Timothy 1:2 (CSB)
“To Timothy, my true son in the faith.”
That’s beautiful.
Paul clearly loved Timothy as a son.
He invested in him.
He trained him.
He encouraged him.
He corrected him.
He entrusted ministry responsibility to him.
This is the kind of spiritual parenting the Church truly needs.
We need older believers investing in younger believers.
We need seasoned pastors pouring into younger pastors.
We need mature men teaching younger men.
We need mature women teaching younger women.
We need generations walking together.
But notice what Paul was producing in Timothy.
Maturity.
Paul wasn’t trying to keep Timothy permanently dependent upon Paul.
He was preparing Timothy to lead.
That is the difference between discipleship and dependency.
Healthy spiritual parenting says:
“Walk with me while I help you learn to walk faithfully with Jesus.”
Unhealthy spiritual parenting says:
“You will always need me between you and what God has called you to do.”
Those are not the same thing.
PAUL REFUSED TO OWN PEOPLE’S FAITH
This may be one of the most important statements Paul ever made concerning spiritual authority.
2 Corinthians 1:24 (CSB)
“I do not mean that we lord it over your faith, but we are workers with you for your joy, because you stand by faith.”
Think about who said that.
An apostle.
A church planter.
A man who had personally encountered the risen Christ.
A man who wrote Scripture under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.
Yet Paul says:
“We don’t lord it over your faith.”
Instead:
“We are workers with you.”
This is very different from some modern ideas about spiritual authority.
Paul possessed genuine apostolic authority, yet he understood that the Corinthians ultimately belonged to Jesus.
They weren’t Paul’s sheep.
They were Christ’s.
They weren’t Paul’s possession.
They were Christ’s.
Their faith wasn’t built upon Paul.
It was built upon Christ.
HONOR DOESN’T REQUIRE IDOLIZATION
There is another mistake we need to avoid.
Some people have experienced controlling leadership and responded by rejecting all spiritual authority.
That’s not biblical either.
Scripture teaches us to honor godly leadership.
1 Thessalonians 5:12–13 (CSB)tells believers to recognize those who labor among them and lead them in the Lord and to regard them very highly in love because of their work.
Hebrews 13 speaks about responding appropriately to spiritual leaders.
Peter commands elders to shepherd God’s flock faithfully.
So this is not an argument for spiritual independence.
It’s an argument for biblical spiritual authority.
We can honor without worshiping.
We can submit without surrendering discernment.
We can receive correction without becoming controlled.
We can follow godly leadership without pretending that the leader stands between Jesus and Jesus.
We can deeply love someone who has been a spiritual father to us, but we do not need to turn “Spiritual Father” into a position that Scripture never created.
A REAL FATHER WANTS HIS CHILDREN TO GROW UP
Think about healthy parenting.
A good father doesn’t raise a child hoping the child will remain helpless forever.
He teaches the child.
He protects the child.
He corrects the child.
He encourages the child.
But gradually something happens.
The child grows.
Eventually, a father’s success is shown when the child is able to stand on their own.
Spiritual discipleship should work similarly.
Paul says the purpose of ministry leadership is maturity:
Ephesians 4:13 (CSB)
“until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of God’s Son, growing into maturity with a stature measured by Christ’s fullness.”
Notice the goal.
Maturity.
Not dependence upon the leader.
Dependence upon Christ.
Healthy leaders are glad when those they disciple listen to God, understand Scripture, use good judgment, find their gifts, serve others, and eventually help someone else grow.
They don’t feel threatened by maturity.
They helped make it happen.
HERE IS THE TEST
If you call someone your spiritual father, I don’t believe the terminology itself is necessarily the problem.
Ask instead:
What does the relationship produce?
Does this person consistently point you toward Jesus?
Do they encourage you to know Scripture yourself?
Can you disagree with them without being threatened?
Can you ask questions without being labeled rebellious?
Do they celebrate your growth?
Are they preparing you to serve Christ rather than building your identity around serving them?
Can they admit when they are wrong?
Do they recognize that Jesus—not themselves—is Lord over your conscience?
Are they helping you mature?
Or are they making you increasingly dependent upon them?
These questions tell us much more than just looking at the title.
JESUS MUST REMAIN AT THE CENTER
The Church has room for fathers.
There is room for mothers.
There is room for mentors.
There is room for pastors.
There is room for teachers.
There is room for deep relationships where someone can truthfully say:
“That person has been like a father to me in the faith.”
That is a wonderful thing.
But there is only one heavenly Father.
Only one Head of the Church exists.
There is only one Chief Shepherd.
Only one Mediator stands between God and humanity.
And His name is Jesus.
The healthiest spiritual father will never make you believe you cannot reach Jesus without him.
He will teach you how to follow Jesus when he isn’t there.
He will not try to rule over your life.
He will always point you toward Christ.
Because ultimately, the goal of spiritual leadership isn’t to gather spiritual sons and daughters around ourselves.
It is to help God’s sons and daughters grow into maturity under their Father in heaven.
Maybe this is the simplest way to see if spiritual fatherhood is still biblical:
Healthy spiritual fathers don’t create followers of themselves.
They raise followers of Jesus.
Coming in Part 2:Does the Bible Teach Spiritual Mothers? — Mentorship Without a Throne
We’ll examine Jesus’ surprising statement that those who do the Father’s will are His “brother and sister and mother,” Paul’s description of Rufus’s mother as his own, and the Titus 2 model of older women discipling younger women. The question isn’t whether spiritual motherhood can exist.
The question is what happens when a beautiful relationship becomes a religious rank.
Thoughts from Pastor Toney 